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Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!
Wizards would never say...
 

1. Spell check?!
2. I will have to check with my staff...
3. What do you mean...what color am I??!!!
4. You can never have too many hats.
5. No thank you...I don't smoke
6. I think I will just hang out here for a while.
7. I don't care what's under the mountain.
8. Yes...I know Harry Potter.
9. Moria?...yes please.
10. I remember when I was a kid, we used to have to.....


 

Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 things Aragorn would not say....

 

 

1. I need a shave and a haircut
2. Oh...I thought you said Gondors "Ming" dynasty
3. Yes...I know Harry Potter too.
4. What could I possibly do with a broken sword?
5. I just date Arwen...
6. No...I'm not the Lone Ranger
7. What's Spidey-sense?
8. Brown just isn't my color
9. I don't feel like going
10. Reforge it yourself!!!



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!
Dwarves would never say...

 

 

1. Here is some gold for you to borrow.
2. I like Elves
3. Can I ride your horse?
4. I'm entering a tossing contest.
5. We prefer the term "little people"
6. We will do the cleaning up
7. Hello, I'd like to make a donation....
8. I don't know who my father is.
9. I'm tired of living in this dingy mountain
10. Mines...what mines?



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Elves would never say....

 

 

1. I'm dead on my feet.
2. Can you see that...I forgot my glasses.
3. Let's go spelunking
4. I'd die for a......
5. Elbereth who?
6. I'm thinking of dying my hair red...
7. Let's go talk to those Dwarves.
8. Magic...we don't need no stinking magic!
9. Are you going to eat that..
10. Orcs are like family.



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!
Hobbits would never say.....

 

 

1. I'm considering joining a gym...or maybe Slimfast
2. Is this a lite beer?
3. I'm going to shave my feet
4. No thank you...I'm full
5. I'd like the dinner salad please.
6. Can I borrow your boat?
7. Is that a pistol in your.....(never mind)
8. I'm returning the spoons I borrowed.
9. So your moving to a third floor apartment.
10. A Quest....yes please!



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons Aragorn should NOT be King:

 

 

1. He might have never returned.
2. He's so scruffy...Hairagorn
3. He doesn't validate parking
4. How can you be king when your sword is broken
5. He drives a Range Rover
6. We saw him in Bree...eating cheese
7. He doesn't know who his mother is
8. Always has a bag of Kingsfoil
9. Gondor has no king...Gondor needs no king
10. I don't think he wears pants under his robes



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons Sauron was destroyed...

 

 

1. He owned stocks in Martha Stewart
2. Someone poked him real hard in the eye
3. He always wore jewelry
4. He never recovered from that Melkor thing
5. Plenty of Mordor...not enough bricks
6. He tried to remove "under God" from the pledge of allegiance
7. The ring didn't fit anymore
8. He tried to become friends with Hannibal Lecter
9. Too many "bad" Hobbits....couldn't quit smoking
10. Bad Hair Day!



Lord of the Rings Humor Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons to NOT smoke pipeweed...

 

 

1. It gives you a long bottom
2. The shipments are being tracked
3. There is no reason #3
4. It makes your hair grow unnaturally long
5. The trees will start talking to you
6. Just say NO...

There are NO more reasons NOT to smoke pipeweed. Just a joke kids.



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

You know you need a LOTR fix when...

 

 

1. (my apologies...deleted because it's a little naughty)
2. You insist on returning home with a lot of fanfare and trumpets
3. You find yourself at the jewelry counter and your a guy.
4. You start craving "pipeweed"
5. You swear the trees are talking to you (see #4)
6. When every blonde you see looks like an elf
7. You start referring to "little people" as Dwarves
8. When you ask to dance with Rosie at the July 4th celebrations
9. When you start referring to everything as "precious"
10. When you start posting to LOTR message boards!



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons Hobbits are small....

 

 

1. You try living in a hole..
2. That much closer to the tap on a keg
3. So they will fit nicely in your pocketsesssss...
4. Stealth...stealth...stealth...
5. To make for a perfect sized snack
6. Their downsizing...
7. Fun at parties!!!
8. So they might be mistaken for a dwarf
9. Didn't eat their Wheaties
10. So that they might be inconspicuous if ever chosen by a wizard to go on a journey



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons Elves don't like Dwarves...

 

 

1. They smell...they do!!!...Dwarves smell...
2. They try to use the courts to force everyone to make accessible toilets
3. Always referring to their fathers
4. They carry axes...'nuff said
5. There is no reason #5
6. They are always trying to shave off the elves "golden" hair
7. Poor table manners
8. Their not tender and juicy
9. They keep referring to elves as "stretch" and "slim"
10. That Balrog thing.....



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons to live in Middle-Earth

 

 

1. No Lawyers
2. No Lawyers
3. Great place to use a metal detector
4. Goldberry and Arwen are babes...
5. No one will ask you to quit smoking!
6. The marginal tax rate on capital gains is nearly non-existent
7. No lawyers
8. I want to see mountains....
9. The bird-watching is unreal
10. No phone salesmen



Lord of the Rings Humor

Hey...Not everything has to be serious!

Top 10 reasons to stop by "The Prancing Pony"

 

 

1. Hob-nob with Bob and Nob
2. Bill Ferny is a delight
3. Someone might break into song
4. The pony is a prancer
5. The view
6. No sales tax on beer
7. You never know who might drop by in the middle of the night
8. Some guy named Strider hangs out there...he's a gas
9. Can pick-up a pony for a great price
10. The smell of Bree cheese!